About My Beard Balms

All of my beard balms are hand mixed in very small batches poured and packaged by me, a bearded man for the bearded man and not a bunch of bald faced marketing babies. I use nothing but the finest here. (Shea Butter, Coco butter, White Bees Wax, Bayberry Wax, Almond oil, Avocado oil, Rice brand oil, Hazelnut oil, Hemp seed oil, Apricot oil, Castor oil, Grape seed oil, Jojoba oil, Argan oil, Vitamin E, and our Luxurious essential oil blend) ...BooooooM. Enjoy Gentlemen!

Newest Release

The Red Bastard (SOLD OUT)

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Surprise Large Limited Batch Run

The Red Bastard 

This is my take on the cologne from Polo (Polo Red)

The composition opens with red grapefruit united with cranberry and Italian lemon. The heart of the composition emphasizes accords of red sage, red saffron and lavender, while the "red notes" in the base are described with red wood, hot amber and fragrant coffee beans! The spicy red composition of woody-spicy character, carrying the scent of strength, masculinity and character

Will Be Back Later

The Toasted Bastard

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***Limited Batch Run***

Great way to enjoy summer with this sweet-toasty aroma of hot marshmallow over the campfire. This blend is so true to its name! Imagine a marshmallow on a stick, just slightly toasted by the fire. Hints of lemon and a touch of berries in a pool of rich melted butter mixed with burnt sugared vanilla, tonka beans, and a pile of toasted marshmallows. Might sound a little weird but don't knock it till you try it. It really opens up in fresh outdoor air.

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Fresh Bastard Butter

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100% Wax-free Restore Rejuvenate Re-Hydrate

***Fresh Batch Next Sunday June 16th***


The Bastard Butter

My butter is so soft.......don't stare at it too hard..... because it might melt.

Great for after the shower before bed, as my butter was created to not only restore rejuvenate and re-hydrate...But it packed full of ingredients to help induce a better calming sleep. Fresh Lavender, smooth chamomile, rich bergamot and a warm vanilla base note. Due to it luxurious nature, I would chill the 2oz can for a few min's before using...then store  in a cool dry place.

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The Seasonal Collection Back In The Fall

The Harvest Bastard

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The Harvest Bastard

Imagine walking down a forest lined road on a cool Sunday morning. You can smell the transition from summer to winter in the air, when the leafs start turning shades of orange.... The Harvest Bastard is bright and crisp with notes of fig, caramel, and a splash of coffee & cinnamon lead to more earthy finish.

Back In The Fall

The Cozy Bastard

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The Cozy Bastard

You walked into grandmas house on a cold winter day, as she just pulled out a hot apple pie. She hands you a hot cup of spiced pumpkin latte coffee, you grab a cozy warm blanket and go snuggle up in a chair next to the crackling fireplace. Take your shoes off...kick your feet up and enjoy the cozy bastard. This is a complex blend, apples, spiced pumpkin, Colombian coffee, rum and hints of sandalwood and birch...and finishing it off is the Notorious OUD oil.

Back In The Fall

The Holiday Bastard

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The Holiday Bastard

Delight your senses with the aroma reminiscent of a fresh cut Christmas tree, and not your boring old “smells like pine”… but rather the full delicious scent of a big blue spruce adorned with peppermint candy canes. Take in the bark, the needles, the garland and even the damn Christmas ornaments. Oh wait an min…. is that grandmas hot apple pie? Well gentlemen, this could be Christmas in a bottle. 

Back In The Fall

Luxurious Bastard Beard Balms

The Curious Bastard

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This is my very first creation in my line, and the name says it all. When you first twist open this can and take a whiff, the first thing you will be thinking is "Oh this is interesting" You won't be able to stop smelling it. This balm is blended with hints of frankincense, cinnamon, clove and more. It's just one damn curious aroma.

(Combine with matching beard oil double the pleasure) 

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The Sweet Bastard

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Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking through a massive orange grove in full bloom, while sipping on a ice cold freshly squeezed glass of lemonade, Not paying attention you accidentally step into a small pile of juicy limes then causing you trip and fall into a giant basket of pink grapefruit. This is what the Sweet Bastard experience is all about. Using this beard balm might be safer than trying to re create the above.

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The Woody Bastard

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Have you ever been camping up in the mountains, deep in the woods, hiking on your favorite trail surrounded by fresh air and great pines with nothing but the sound of wind blowing through the trees? That's what will happen when you spread this luxurious blend through your beard. The Woody Bastard will take you there without the long drive and all the hiking possible getting lost. This really smells like your camping in the woods.

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The Smokey Bastard

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What I tried to re-create here is that good old, down home, country fair smell in a tin can. You know what I'm talking about. It’s the smell that fills the air when your local fair comes to town, when all the different BBQ smokers start firing up, corn dogs hit the deep fryer and the popcorn starts popping. Only thing that will make this oil better is ice COLD BEER. Warning this one might make you hungry.

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The Colombian Bastard

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The Colombian Bastard Beard Balm

This is not just coffee in a bottle. You know me.....3 types off coffee oil, some espresso, and a touch of vanilla cinnamon and the extra luxurious secret ingredients for a twist. This is a walk into a Coffee bistro deep complex STRONG profile.

Not for the weak!!

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The Holy Bastard

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The most biblical beard balm in the world. The holy of holies, were talking about the beard balm the great wise men used on their glorious beards, possibly even Jesus himself. Not really, but I’d like to think so. We carefully blended a handful of sacred oils like, frankincense, myrrh, sandalwood, cedar wood, cypress to name a few. Apply this beard balm and you might be touched by the hand of GOD.. I went a little too far with that one

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The 1912 Bastard

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Travel back in time to the year 1912, and place yourself right in the middle of an old rustic general store. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and enjoy everything from the fresh cedar wood floors under your feet, to the bags of fresh coffee on the shelves. You can almost touch the rich leather products and the hemp filled sacks of sweet tobacco in the room. This beard balm will make you feel like a true bastard from the 1900’s. Or you'll smell like you live in an antique store.

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The Original Bastard

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Last but not least is the basic bastard. You get all the glorious benefits of our luxurious balm blend, Shea Butter, Coco butter, white bees wax, bayberry wax,  almond oil, avocado oil, rice brand oil, hazelnut oil, hemp seed oil, apricot oil, castor oil, grape seed oil, jojoba oil, argan oil, and vitamin E, but with a very clean and fresh aroma. I’d have to say that fresh out of the barbershop smell. After applying this oil. not responsible for all the ridiculous amount of compliments!

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The Tobacconist Bastard

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My Tobacconist bastard beard balm is filled with nostalgia and a touch a sweetness. Similar to the scent of a tobacco pipe, this balm will take you back to days spent with Grandpa as a kid. A perfect manly aroma.

Hints of cherry and vanilla, fresh tobacco leaves and a pinch of black pepper.

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Mustache Wax (Med Hold)

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NEW NEW NEW
Luxurious Bastard mustache wax medium hold The 1oz tin contains premium organic beeswax  and Shea butter along with my 9 luxurious Oil blend and essential oil's. A true classic smell like spiced red tea and leather.

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Luxurious Tattoo Balm

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My organic rich luxury tattoo balm smells and feels amazing. Made with the finest organic ingredients like Calendula Plantain and Comfrey infused oils. It has ALL the best healing ingredients all wrapped up in one!

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The Rustic Bastard

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Close your eyes and walk deep into the woods...until you stumble upon an rustic old cabin. As you walk up to it and open the door then step inside... your instantly greeted with a warm smokey deep scent. You glance around the room and notice the rich birch wood floors are lightly covered in golden hay. You see and smell a candle burning on a table next to a chair....smells ever so slight of cinnamon... Immediately you decide to walk over and sit down in the warn old leather chair, and notice a glass of ginger citrus scented rum sitting on a solid sandalwood table and leaning against the glass is a briar wood pipe filled with fresh tobacco. You tilt you head back and take a deep breath drawing it all in..........Welcome to the Rustic Bastard 

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The Vintage Bastard

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 The Vintage Bastard

Another Complex profile by yours truly. The best way to describe this one is if you could imagine what a distinguished gentleman from the 20'-30's might have worn. A classic yet smooth profile with a pinch of bite. You can expect to hear "Ohhhh...what is that your wearing" Enjoy it my friends

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The Bilberry Bastard

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 The Bilberry Bastard

I believe this is going to be another signature profile like my 1912. Sometime you have to mix up things a little "out of the box"

Fresh Smashed blueberries and fine Italian leather and 3 other secret ingredients for the perfect twist. Get ready to take a breath and say WOW....Oh man...WOW.......Just WOW. Its definitively interestingly interesting....Hmmmm..Wait....What???

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Ultra Limited Command Balms

The Command Bastard Balm

Limited Runs

Imagine yourself walking in a lush vanilla bean field on a warm day. The field is surrounded by wildflowers and the breeze hits your face leaving you feeling fresh and relaxed. Inhale this luxurious smell and put it in your beard knowing that each time you inhale you'll be taken back to that field.

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